Thursday, October 03, 2002

Here's some new song lyrics that i hope never actually
make it onto an album... (it's just a chorus)

I wouldn't go out drinking,
if you didn't piss me off.
I'd spend more time on yard work,
instead of playing golf.
Spend more time making love to you,
and less time j***ing off,
So I'll just keep on drinking,
If you keep pissing me off.



Since she lost the primaries, the band's tour schedule has gone south, and the drugs
are finally taking it's toll.
What you need in a Vacation To Cuba.

(and apparently, any pictures of uranium i found must be some sort of classafied material.
but the red x pictures are almost as cool as a dancing pig. but not quite as cool.)

Monday, September 30, 2002

It's Mr. Depleted Uranium Man!
Fun for the Whole Family!




AN OPEN LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF THE FORT WORTH STAR TELEGRAM

Dear Editor,

Hey man. Just wanted to frop a line to say hi. Get well soon.

Sincerely,
Benjamin E. Wright

Hi, my name is Ben, and I was a nail biter. I haven't bit my nails in about two weeks.
My life hasn't changed that much, except for all the anonymous calls I've been getting
from supermodels and the like, and it's kinda hard to play my gee-tar because the shap of my
fingers are changing. I've decided to share my experience coupled with the years of Higer Education
for the good of mankind, and I have come up with a...

12 STEP PROGRAM FOR NAILBITERS.

Step 1
I admit I have a problem, and nailbiting could be considered
to be self-cannibalism in some countries.
Step 2
Quit biting your nails. Get your fingers out of your mouth,
you dirty pig. It's gross.
Steps 3-12
If you need 9 more steps to quit biting your nails, you have probably
moved on all the way down to your knuckels and you're losing sooo much blood
that you're in serious trouble. Ignore this self help program I have devised and
get some real professional help, you've got a lot worse problems than biting you
fingernails.

I guess to be a real guy, you have to like tools.
And where I grew up, tools were usually big stuff you had to
learn to operate and pay monthly on, or at least mix the gas and oil,
but I'm a little Citified since then.
Point in case - I bought an Electric Chainsaw today. Sure, it has
a cord, no gas or Cool Exhaust Smell, but I really like it.
Remingtion 3hp with a 14" blade. Chopped down a large
but dead tree in my front yard this morning. And I only managed to
drop half of it into the street... Luckly, no cars were hit.
And since I was working on Extra Points to get my Man Card
upgrade, I used a large rusty chain and pulled it out of the street
with my Chevrolet Pickup. Yes, I'm feeling macho today.
And to think when I started blogging, I couldn't even fix a Dryer.
On the other had, this didn't involve any fixing, just lots of cutting.
Big noises. Large stuff crashing to the ground. I almost yelled "timber" at
one point, but there was no one around to hear me.

I think I'll just have to go grab a Coors Original and tell rodeo stories
with my pirate buddies...

Sunday, September 29, 2002

I had a big post about FOOTBALL and Monkey Ranching,
but it shut down upon me earlier.
Life has changed much sice then,
but I WILL LEARN HOM TO POST FROM HOME
AT A LATER DATE.
Just so you know, I have tried to open the wrong White Chevy,
Met a famous scerrenwriter,
had a few, and generally loved life.
No baby yet.